If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
