onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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