goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
