Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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