i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
