Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
