I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize