like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Bring me that man meat
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
