How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
