Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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