who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
