i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
