does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Randomize
