if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize