i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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