you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
