I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
