Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
