we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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