I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
