nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
