I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize