Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
