my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
