i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
