I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
