Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
