I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
