i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
