i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
