Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
