hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
