I wish I could teleport
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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