...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
