My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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