Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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