checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
