We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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