Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
