wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize