Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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