Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
