there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need to calm my uterus...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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