i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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