It's Friday. Sex?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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