just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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