So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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