How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
