I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
