I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Randomize
