You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
