went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize