woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he was CRYING into my vagina
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
