my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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