very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
