If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Buhtt sex?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
