Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
