Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just gargled with NyQuil
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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