he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
