She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
