so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
