Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
