no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
