the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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