did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
