it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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