it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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