tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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