drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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