You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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