Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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