Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
